Clownpox Epidemic
The Clownpox Epidemic was the first-ever outbreak of the clownpox disease that occurred in Laurel Crossing in August of 2012. Often referred to as "The Last Laugh," the Clownpox Epidemic claimed the lives of more than three thousand residents by December of that same year. The Clownpox Disease Clownpox is a contagious disease that affects the brain, skin, and mouth. The Bureau of Rational Answers and Scientific Solutions (BRASS) has linked clownpox to direct exposure to FMV, the recently named fossor mortem virus (literally: "clown death" virus). Little is known about the pathology and behavior of FMV, and any discovery concerning it is classified government information, ordered so by the Federal Bureau of Investigation and Center for Disease Control. Signs and Symptoms Symptoms of clownpox may occur hours or weeks after exposure to FMV. Some behavioral signs of the disease include: *Spontaneous or unnecessary laughter *Incessant smiling or cheerfulness *Bizarre or strange sense of humor *Desires to tell jokes or play pranks on others *Erratic or otherwise odd behavior After several days, physical symptoms may start to show. These include: *Rash on both cheeks spreading from the mouth upward *Swelling and reddening of the nose *Balding or shedding of hair *Elongation of the feet Treatment and Cure There is no known treatment or cure for clownpox disease. In the early stages, ointments and creams may be used for the rashes and depressing or melancholy stimuli may equilibrate the mood, but these remedies prove useless as the disease progresses. The Clownpox Epidemic First signs of the disease were recognized earlier, in June of 2012. Several residents reported "feeling funny," but could not elaborate much further. By August, those infected with the disease had begun to laugh and smile more, but this feeling of lighthearted pleasantness wasn't unwelcome for many of the residents. After the Six Sinkholes and the other various events that had happened until then, many residents were happy to find a reason to laugh again. Only when the physical symptoms developed did they seek medical attention. Doctors originally attributed the facial rash and swelling to poison oak or the chicken pox, but once patients began to lose hair and grow three shoe sizes overnight, doctors had no choice but to admit them to hospitals for further testing and diagnoses. As the disease progressed, patients had succumbed to bouts of uncontrollable laughter and had begun performing silly tricks with endless scarves and rubber flowers. Many also learned to create balloon objects and animals, seemingly overnight. This made treatment of the patients rather difficult, as they disrupted hospital business in whatever way they could, played practical jokes on the nurses and doctors, and ignored all medical advice given to them. Dr. Terry Hanstzfeldtschun, a diagnostician who worked at Brighton Hospital, was the first to coin the term "clownpox disease," stating that the appearance and behavior of the infected patients seemed strangley like those of clowns. He informed the press and the city government of the dangers of exposure, but little action was taken. Only after Dr. Hanstzfeldtschun himself became infected was the information released to the public. In response to this news, he said, "I'm so happy I could die," after which he burst into a fit of laughter. By the time news of the disease had made it to the public, it was too late. Several hundred more cases of clownpox erupted and hospitals were overflowing with patients. While doctors searched for a cure and the city government searched for the cause, the epidemic began claiming lives. Causes of death ranged from cardiac arrest and asphyxiation (typically caused by episodes of intense laughter) to seizures and internal bleeding. Some patients committed suicide and others killed each other, claiming that they "thought it was funny." At the time of the Invasion from Below in October, the clownpox disease had killed over a thousand people. Only a few weeks later, doctors admitted failure to finding a cure, and told the sick and their families: "There is nothing we can do now. All we can do is pray." All the remaining sick were pronounced dead in late December, at which time the epidemic was said to be officially over. -Theodore Phillips